The official Top 23 Edit Suite Stories

From the Facebook Group Edit Suite Stories

EDIT SUITE STORIES TOP 23 (in no order whatsoever)

From Nicola Whitehead
CLIENT: “I've got some B & W footage - can you make it colour?”

From Nick Scullard:
Whilst making a 1 hour documentary about the impact women have had on UK television and society, the director/producer thought that it might be a good idea to have the editor of Spare Rib comment. Very good she was too, intelligent, forthright and concise. She's in the show about 6 times at pivotal moments and it all sounds grea...t. Exec comes in for the first viewing and we reach the first comment from this contributor.
"STOP! What is that woman doing in my TV show?"
"Uhhhh, she's a feminist commentator in a prime position to give us a perspective on the impact of women in television over the last 30 years."
"Get rid of her, I don't like her hair."

From Nick Hall
I walked into the suite where a new editor was covering for the day. Editor: "Hi, what's your name?"
Me: "Hi, it's Nick".
Editor then slowly writes "Nick" on a post-it and sticks it on the monitor

From Kathryn Dufty
Client: “Can you turn that shot inside out?”

From Simon Astbury
A producer is talking to a colourist about a 15 minute short that has been shot on DV.
Producer: So , I shot it myself it's quite uneven, all with available light.
Colourist: OK so how would you like it to look.
Producer: Well, have you seen the film Seven ?

From Heather Moore
Series Producer watching a VT where a contributor is angry about something...
SP: Its good, but can you make it more emotional, can you make her cry?
Me: But she didn't cry.
SP: Right, but can you make her cry?
Me: Umm not really, because she didn't cry in the interview.
SP: I know, but can you not make it seem like she's crying?

From Yasser Rahman
Editor: 'What format do you want this on?'
Producer: 'Docudrama'

Another from Yasser Rahman
Q: 'Can we zoom in there and then spin round a bit so we can see his face more?'
A: 'No'

From Andrew Mcguirk
Q: "She's really starting to piss me off. Can we lose her??"
A: "She's the presenter."
Q: "Okay, well can you just cut around her in a way that makes her not piss me off quite as much?"

From Merlin Hogarth:
"You know how this bit is all a bit duh duh duh. Can we make it a bit more whoosh whoosh whoosh?"

Anonymous:
We have 4 hours to cut a 3 min item for same day transmission on magazine show...
Researcher: I've got a great idea... Let's make it look like top Gear...
Me: Do Top gear also shoot on PD150 operated by someone on work experience?
Researcher: I don't know I've not done any Factual...

Another from Andrew Mcguirk
I once heard the pissed (and pissed off) old producer behind me say, "Runners today are shit! Years ago runners could get you anything. They could get you a f*cking gun if you wanted!"

From Stuart Fyvie
In the grade, director turns to colourist: “Can you make the pictures look you know, more smelly?”

From Chris McMillan
An Exec to a Director at the start of an edit: "I know how I want it to look -but I'm not going to tell you."

From Andrew Tait:
Making a ‘One Show’ item about very old people in care homes. Series Producer says, “Commissioners don't like the music - its a bit sad. Why don't you use one of these?”
He then hands me some production CDs, amongst them, 'Hot Latin Flavas' and 'Phat City Beats'

From Gillian Simpson:
I walked into an edit with a director I had never worked with before - his first comment to me was: "Oh... you're a girl. I've never had a female editor before. Are you any good?”

From Ed Wardle
Commissioning Editor: "I dont give a fuck about the truth, I want that woman to be the most hated woman in Britain."

From Virginia M Moncrieff
During a discussion after one rough cut of a 50 minute film :
Executive Producer: “Hmmmmm. (long pause). Interesting. (long pause) Can you tell me exactly what that was all about?”
Reporter (looking panicked): “I don't know.”

From Rick Aplin
Director: " We've worked really hard to push the envelope on this film, it's a tough watch, but we think it's really going to challenge viewers preconceptions about art and the importance of it's role in society ".
Commissioning Editor: " Anyone know what the viewing figures for Big Brother were last night?”

Anonymous:
A com ed to a director: "This film is good, I like it... but I want it to fuck me. Right now it's just showing me a bit of tit, you know, a couple of pubic hairs maybe. Not good enough. I want to be well and truly fucked".

Anonymous:
Commissioning Editor: "I want more clarity. And more mystery."

Anonymous:
An exec to a director at picture lock: "We don't need any more words. We just need to add another concept."