nicolai’s mixed bag

The official Top 23 Edit Suite Stories

From the Facebook Group Edit Suite Stories

EDIT SUITE STORIES TOP 23 (in no order whatsoever)

From Nicola Whitehead
CLIENT: “I've got some B & W footage - can you make it colour?”

From Nick Scullard: 
Whilst making a 1 hour documentary about the impact women have had on UK television and society, the director/producer thought that it might be a good idea to have the editor of Spare Rib comment. Very good she was too, intelligent, forthright and concise. She's in the show about 6 times at pivotal moments and it all sounds grea...t. Exec comes in for the first viewing and we reach the first comment from this contributor.
"STOP! What is that woman doing in my TV show?"
"Uhhhh, she's a feminist commentator in a prime position to give us a perspective on the impact of women in television over the last 30 years."
"Get rid of her, I don't like her hair."

From Nick Hall
I walked into the suite where a new editor was covering for the day. Editor: "Hi, what's your name?" 
Me: "Hi, it's Nick". 
Editor then slowly writes "Nick" on a post-it and sticks it on the monitor

From Kathryn Dufty
Client: “Can you turn that shot inside out?”

From Simon Astbury
A producer is talking to a colourist about a 15 minute short that has been shot on DV.
Producer: So , I shot it myself it's quite uneven, all with available light.
Colourist: OK so how would you like it to look.
Producer: Well, have you seen the film Seven ?

From Heather Moore
Series Producer watching a VT where a contributor is angry about something...
SP: Its good, but can you make it more emotional, can you make her cry?
Me: But she didn't cry.
SP: Right, but can you make her cry?
Me: Umm not really, because she didn't cry in the interview.
SP: I know, but can you not make it seem like she's crying?

From Yasser Rahman
Editor: 'What format do you want this on?'
Producer: 'Docudrama'

Another from Yasser Rahman
Q: 'Can we zoom in there and then spin round a bit so we can see his face more?'
A: 'No'

From Andrew Mcguirk
Q: "She's really starting to piss me off. Can we lose her??" 
A: "She's the presenter." 
Q: "Okay, well can you just cut around her in a way that makes her not piss me off quite as much?"

From Merlin Hogarth:
"You know how this bit is all a bit duh duh duh. Can we make it a bit more whoosh whoosh whoosh?"

Anonymous:
We have 4 hours to cut a 3 min item for same day transmission on magazine show...
Researcher: I've got a great idea... Let's make it look like top Gear...
Me: Do Top gear also shoot on PD150 operated by someone on work experience?
Researcher: I don't know I've not done any Factual...

Another from Andrew Mcguirk
I once heard the pissed (and pissed off) old producer behind me say, "Runners today are shit! Years ago runners could get you anything. They could get you a f*cking gun if you wanted!"

From Stuart Fyvie
In the grade, director turns to colourist: “Can you make the pictures look you know, more smelly?”

From Chris McMillan
An Exec to a Director at the start of an edit: "I know how I want it to look -but I'm not going to tell you."

From Andrew Tait:
Making a ‘One Show’ item about very old people in care homes. Series Producer says, “Commissioners don't like the music - its a bit sad. Why don't you use one of these?”
He then hands me some production CDs, amongst them, 'Hot Latin Flavas' and 'Phat City Beats'

From Gillian Simpson:
I walked into an edit with a director I had never worked with before - his first comment to me was: "Oh... you're a girl. I've never had a female editor before. Are you any good?”

From Ed Wardle
Commissioning Editor: "I dont give a fuck about the truth, I want that woman to be the most hated woman in Britain."

From Virginia M Moncrieff 
During a discussion after one rough cut of a 50 minute film :
Executive Producer: “Hmmmmm. (long pause). Interesting. (long pause) Can you tell me exactly what that was all about?”
Reporter (looking panicked): “I don't know.”

From Rick Aplin
Director: " We've worked really hard to push the envelope on this film, it's a tough watch, but we think it's really going to challenge viewers preconceptions about art and the importance of it's role in society ".
Commissioning Editor: " Anyone know what the viewing figures for Big Brother were last night?”

Anonymous: 
A com ed to a director: "This film is good, I like it... but I want it to fuck me. Right now it's just showing me a bit of tit, you know, a couple of pubic hairs maybe. Not good enough. I want to be well and truly fucked".

Anonymous:
Commissioning Editor: "I want more clarity. And more mystery."

Anonymous: 
An exec to a director at picture lock: "We don't need any more words. We just need to add another concept."

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You know you've been in Denmark too long if...

You think there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.

You think its normal to pick up a girl in a pub, walk her to her bike and ride with her back home.

You think its impolite to sit next to someone in a bus if there is a bench where you can sit on your own.

You go to the supermarket and buy three good beers and 10 not too good ones.

You can open a beer bottle with almost anything.

You honestly believe that the distance between Copenhagen and Aalborg is long.

You can tell the difference between a Grøn Tuborg and a Carlsberg beer.

The first thing you do on entering a bank/post office/pharmacy etc. is to look for the queue number machine.

You accept that you will have to queue to take a queue number.

When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that:
a. he is drunk;
b. he is insane;
c. he is British;
d. he is all of the above.

Silence is fun.

It no longer seems excessive to spend 800 kr. on alcohol in a single night.

You know that "religious holiday" means "let's get pissed".

You use "Mmmm" as conversation filler.

The word "yes" is an intake of breath.

You have only two facial expressions, smiling or blank

Traditional dinners may not necessarily mean a cooked meal.

You forget how to open canned beer.

Can't remember when to say "please" and "excuse me".

You frown at "guest workers" who use "please" and "excuse me" for not integrating!

You will leave a pub if you can't find a seat.

Your wardrobe no longer has suits but blue shirts and mustard colored sports jackets and lots of denim.

You don't mind paying the same for a 200-metre bus ride as you do for going 10 kms.

You don't look twice at businessmen in dark suits wearing white sport socks.

You start to believe that if it weren't for Denmark's efforts, the world would probably collapse pretty soon.

You find yourself more interested in the alcohol content than the name of the wine.

It feels natural to wear sport clothes and a backpack everywhere.

You know the meaning of life has something to do with the word "hyggelig".

You are very surprised when you receive compliments about ANYTHING - including your appearance/clothing! In fact when you do, you find it suspicious and start thinking they might have ulterior motives.

You no longer offer to get the cheque on a date - for fear of physical attack from your felame companion.

You don't think it strange that no one ever comes by to visit without being invited and you never show up at any one's place unannounced either.

You find yourself lighting candles when you have guests - even if it is brightly sunny outside and 20 degrees.

You offer people strange-tasting brown alcoholic liquids with their coffee in the MORNING!

You find the idea walking across the street when the light is red unforgivable, even though there are no cars in sight and it's 3am in the morning!

You consider a 6 month InterRail or Backpacking trip sufficient to "know" the world and thus proclaim Denmark to be the pinnacle of civilization. For thereafter to settle back into mediocracy, smug in the knowledge that you "braved those wild frontiers" :P 

You understand that Danes aren't rude and abrupt like they may appear, just a little more reserved than most but once you gain their trust they will be your friend for life. 

You accept the stereotype that Swedes are always drunk, Germans are always nude when they have sand under their feet and English speaking people tend to smile to hide confusion. 

The highlight of your evening is the hotdog with remoulade or the calzone from 7/11 at the end of the night-end of the night being the arrival of the first bus in the morning! 

You consider standing in the Airport Arrivals hall waving a danish flag normal and "hyggeligt" 

You've become the master guru of bicycle repair 

You find normal spending the whole week-end with your mates rather than with your partner 

You start setting up Dannebrog everywhere 

You think someone saying Undskyld is just a weirdo 

You start yelling at pedestrians crossing at red light while there is no car in sight 

You think anyone who is not convinced any single thing in Denmark is great (but maybe the weather, ok), and the Danes the most civilized people on earth should just go home 

You are sincerely unable to understand someone asking for the Strøget if the ø is hesitant, the stød isn't pronounced enough, the g not smelted into an l or the t is heard 

You know anything else than a Danish diploma cannot have any value 

You say Skål at every sip because you can't find anything else to say 

You dance around the christmas tree singing carols 

You consider anyone who has bought property and sold it on at a profit to be a "shark" and thus a fair target for all sorts of negative comments and bad feelings! 

You don't check for other pedestrians behind you before you stop in a crowded street.

You don't really want things to go TOO well for anyone, unless they make you proud of being from Denmark. 

You can say rød grød med fløde, Blåbærsyltetøj, and Angstskrig. 

You are not surprised to have the closing door slam you in the face if following too closely behind somebody. Why should you hold the door for someone else?!?

You know the rules of handball!

You think its okay to walk away from a conversation without excusing yourself

You, every time you're in an awkward silence, have the urge to say "jo-jooooo..."

You consider spending more than 30 minutes on a bike and/or bus/train to get to school totally normal

You no longer freak out about getting to the train station in plenty of time because you know that DSB will be late anyway

You plan your trips allowing plenty of time for the DSB train you're on which will undoubtedly be late

You can't remember what a party without alcohol is like

You no longer have the urge to stand up and dance at a club or a party until you have consumed large amounts of alcohol

You have given up all hope of finding any logic in the pronunciation of the Danish language

You feel comfortable laughing at jokes about Swedes

You find the idea that somewhere in the world there are "no-smoking" signs in restaurants, train stations, etc, foreign

You think it is interesting to discuss the pronunciation of the words håndklæde (towel), hindbær (raspberries), sort (black) and hjort (deer)

You think it's perfectly fine too steal a bike if you're drunk enough

You believe that the days of the week are named after the nothern mythology

You think it is normal being paid 90 kr. a hour for working at a supermarket

You only refer football clubs by their initials

You hate everyone from the other side of Bæltet

You consider the Island of Funen (Fyn) to be a speedbump

You can bakke snagvendt (altså snakke bagvendt)

You have completely forgotten the concept of twist-off bottle caps

Tipping waiters/barstaff/taxi drivers seems overly gratuitous

You have forgotten the meaning of the word "gratuitous"

You complain about only having 5 weeks of vacation a year

You no longer notice the noxious gasses given off by the cheese in your fridge

You no longer notice all the windmills

You think it normal for there to be over 10 political parties to choose from

You for that matter, think it normal for 'Venstre' to be a right-wing party

You know your teacher, doctor and/or in-laws by their first names

You like to think the fact that the Queen is a chain-smoker makes her 'down-to-earth'

When making a right-hand turn while driving, you habitually check over your shoulder for bicyclists

You find yourself reading the subtitles even when watching something in english

You no longer consider joining Scouts to be completely geeky

You have given up trying to find a radio station with good music

You buy a hot dog with a credit card

You find it normal that shops close earlier on weekends 

You find girls with a beer belly attractive

You have an insurance on your bike 

You trash any leftovers

You answer calls by saying your name (which confuses people abroad)

You start to MISS an openly corrupt government

You take your wallet to a private party

You fill your own car with petrol

You pack your own groceries

You consider it a BAD idea unless it was agreed upon by the "group"

You never say "Thank You" to the bus driver for driving you all around the city

You no longer find this list funny - just painfully true!

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Saw this on Facebook, this is where we are at now???

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